/* Yet another un-edited post... Expect more typoes */
Indecision. The inability to decide, to choose.
To be able to choose assumes one has choices, options, different routes to pick from.
In an equation, in math, physics, or even an algorithm or function in a program, there will always be variables if the program, equation or algorithm is to do something useful. The variables are the choices that cause the function, algorithm or equation to "do something".
Here the issue is several choices and no predefined function or equation that will let me decide logically which to choose.
It all began a couple of months ago... When I realized that I actually had regained the ability to "feel". I had been numb for so long, willingly denying myself the ability to feel certain emotions, trying to protect self from emotional harm.
Instead I became a complete bastard at times, as I could not comprehend certain things, ignored certain people, and generally caused a bit of pain in general by blanking everything.
Now I have options, and don't know what to do with 'em. I could just randomly choose from them using a rand() type function but, no idea. Could do more harm than good.
I have people from my past coming back and causing me significant amounts of pain and such (mentally) by putting choices there, and I would be lying if I said I felt nothing. I have new people who also seem to be acting as if they are another choice, but I don't know how to trust them. I have to trust them if I am to decide, as nothing in life will succeed without trust to some degree.
There was a lot more to this that I [backspaced] out as I didn't feel like finishing it.
ah well.
/*ends*/
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